“I was called to love them and continually point back to God. I was called to be the person who said over and over again- through all the different seasons of our common life that God is always with us, even when God is not obvious, and that God always- always loves us.”
I’m a Quaker, so we don’t have priests—and the “liberal” branch of the Religious Society of Friends I’m in doesn’t even have formal pastors—but we do believe in the calling to ministry, and this is as concisely wonderful a description of ministry’s core as I’ve seen in a good long while.
Once again, Kerlin: poignant, compelling, thoughtful. Thank you. As I consider the priesthood now from the perspective of retirement, I feel it’s time to be honest about what the priesthood is. The priesthood is a shared agreement between a person and a community in which the community says, “We find you to be a more-or-less trustworthy canvas for our sacred/spiritual/religious projections,” and the person says, “I am willing to be the canvas for your projections in exchange for certain privileges.” Of course, every community of every kind of faith persuasion has this kind of agreement, not limited to Episcopalians or Christians. As long as you are willing to enter into such an arrangement with a community that sees you as reflective of their deepest truths and values, you are likely to find such an arrangement again. Now that you are freed from the constraints of an archaic and largely problematic and obsolete symbol system, you are perfectly free to invent, reinvent, appropriate or steal whatever rituals and symbols best reflect the truths and values that you and your community genuinely share and believe in. Rosemary, oil, wine and fresh bread are all available to you, along with every other element suggestive of the sacred in your community (I dunno: nakedness? eye contact? hugs? So many good life giving and healing possible sacraments come to mind). You will be a priest again if and when you choose to enter into that bargain again.
As for me, I’m glad I was able to honor the stifling and also mostly loving arrangement as long as I did, but the toll that arrangement took on me was very real and deeply wounding, and I don’t know if I’d ever submit to it again. The wounds do not invalidate the grace and blessings that came with the role, but they do give me pause. I honestly don’t think, at this time in late stage middle class American capitalism, I would seek that role again. Mostly because every single community that enters into that arrangement is prone to elevating, then crucifying, those they choose. I’m done with that kind of relationship. On the other hand, I am happy to freely express my love and joy with everyone I encounter, including a community of crusty old pool players, and to the extent that that inspires people to tell me their secrets and find healing in our encounters, I am happy to play my part. I am also free to set my own boundaries around those relationships - always a battle in the priesthood because my life, by contract, was not my own. I have no time for such nonsense now.
Finally, it’s obvious that your sacrament now is your writing. I see the sacred in you through your gift. You are creating sacred communion through it. Thank you.
I am ever and always moved by your words, Precious One. This time to tears. Since the first day I heard you speak at St. David of Wales, my lost and wandering, achingly desperate, longingly searching soul felt discovered, felt acknowledged and began to learn what it was like to be welcomed ~ home.
I truly believe you could inspire a lump of coal to love, to know love, the love of God, the love of Life, the love of All. And to finally acknowledge that there is no Other. You breathe Love. And in doing so breathe Life into every being who is blessed to drink in the sweet nectar of your written, spoken, living service. I am ever and always grateful for your words, your voice, your Gift of Love.
I haven't been a church pastor for 3yrs and I'm very disillusioned by my denomination. My writing and coaching and justice work has been my ministry and has served others well. I'm not a pastor and I am a pastor. I'm learning to live in the nebulous because I'll probably be here for a while.
I'm not the kind who comments just to say "this is beautiful" but it is good heartfelt writing with style, and thus beautiful. I hope that you have, or find, a mentor or companion in this grieving who is worthy of your trust.
“I was called to love them and continually point back to God. I was called to be the person who said over and over again- through all the different seasons of our common life that God is always with us, even when God is not obvious, and that God always- always loves us.”
I’m a Quaker, so we don’t have priests—and the “liberal” branch of the Religious Society of Friends I’m in doesn’t even have formal pastors—but we do believe in the calling to ministry, and this is as concisely wonderful a description of ministry’s core as I’ve seen in a good long while.
Once again, Kerlin: poignant, compelling, thoughtful. Thank you. As I consider the priesthood now from the perspective of retirement, I feel it’s time to be honest about what the priesthood is. The priesthood is a shared agreement between a person and a community in which the community says, “We find you to be a more-or-less trustworthy canvas for our sacred/spiritual/religious projections,” and the person says, “I am willing to be the canvas for your projections in exchange for certain privileges.” Of course, every community of every kind of faith persuasion has this kind of agreement, not limited to Episcopalians or Christians. As long as you are willing to enter into such an arrangement with a community that sees you as reflective of their deepest truths and values, you are likely to find such an arrangement again. Now that you are freed from the constraints of an archaic and largely problematic and obsolete symbol system, you are perfectly free to invent, reinvent, appropriate or steal whatever rituals and symbols best reflect the truths and values that you and your community genuinely share and believe in. Rosemary, oil, wine and fresh bread are all available to you, along with every other element suggestive of the sacred in your community (I dunno: nakedness? eye contact? hugs? So many good life giving and healing possible sacraments come to mind). You will be a priest again if and when you choose to enter into that bargain again.
As for me, I’m glad I was able to honor the stifling and also mostly loving arrangement as long as I did, but the toll that arrangement took on me was very real and deeply wounding, and I don’t know if I’d ever submit to it again. The wounds do not invalidate the grace and blessings that came with the role, but they do give me pause. I honestly don’t think, at this time in late stage middle class American capitalism, I would seek that role again. Mostly because every single community that enters into that arrangement is prone to elevating, then crucifying, those they choose. I’m done with that kind of relationship. On the other hand, I am happy to freely express my love and joy with everyone I encounter, including a community of crusty old pool players, and to the extent that that inspires people to tell me their secrets and find healing in our encounters, I am happy to play my part. I am also free to set my own boundaries around those relationships - always a battle in the priesthood because my life, by contract, was not my own. I have no time for such nonsense now.
Finally, it’s obvious that your sacrament now is your writing. I see the sacred in you through your gift. You are creating sacred communion through it. Thank you.
I am ever and always moved by your words, Precious One. This time to tears. Since the first day I heard you speak at St. David of Wales, my lost and wandering, achingly desperate, longingly searching soul felt discovered, felt acknowledged and began to learn what it was like to be welcomed ~ home.
I truly believe you could inspire a lump of coal to love, to know love, the love of God, the love of Life, the love of All. And to finally acknowledge that there is no Other. You breathe Love. And in doing so breathe Life into every being who is blessed to drink in the sweet nectar of your written, spoken, living service. I am ever and always grateful for your words, your voice, your Gift of Love.
My priest.
I haven't been a church pastor for 3yrs and I'm very disillusioned by my denomination. My writing and coaching and justice work has been my ministry and has served others well. I'm not a pastor and I am a pastor. I'm learning to live in the nebulous because I'll probably be here for a while.
I agree with what Matthew said. Something the same just in a different way. I left parish ministry by choice. I am a hospital Chaplain now.
I'm not the kind who comments just to say "this is beautiful" but it is good heartfelt writing with style, and thus beautiful. I hope that you have, or find, a mentor or companion in this grieving who is worthy of your trust.