Great conversation. Thank you to everyone for their tones of sincerity and respect in this space. Kerlin, you f-ing rock. Yes, yes, yes!
The thing that I pray may someday change in the EC is the bizarre panic that comes over our over-empowered bishops whenever a perceived threat to 1950’s Daddy-Knows-Best sexuality appears. To confuse issues of personal sexuality with genuine threats to the gospel, such as the obscenities of war, poverty, corruption, and human trafficking, is to completely lose one’s way. To shut down conversations and punish with extreme measures anyone who represents a more honest way of being human is simply to forget our very explicit values of dignity respect and diversity. When bishops can quietly destroy a career, a sacred calling, and a congregation in order to defend a status quo cultural norm that continues to shift and evolve, simply declaring a violation with the sweepingly vague phrase “conduct unbecoming “ (which can mean anything at all and must be preemptively intuited because it is never defined) they use a cannon to swat a mosquito, and the damage is profound. No conversation, no debate, no chance for the congregation to maintain a pastoral and sacramental relationship… just a silencing and a sweeping under the rug…. It’s just wrong. The church can do better. Thank you Kerlin for refusing to be silenced. Rank hypocrisy in the realm of sexuality has been the shame of the Church forever, and continues, sadly, today.
My first thought about Omar was, "Are these thoughts/feelings/words of yours Christlike?" I cannot imagine a Divine Spirit that would have such an approach.
And still, there is nothing outside of God....even Omar. We forgive you sir. You give us opportunity to acknowledge a deeper path. Peace be with you
I can’t quite get there, but I admire those who can. The thing that honestly irks me is the hypocrisy. Quite frankly hypocrisy is what leads folks to leave their church. It led me to leave the Episcopal Church when I was 15. It took me 30+ years to return.
I am forever heartbroken over the way our church has treated you. As you say, the “Episcopal Church prided itself on wrestling with hard questions with genuine curiosity and intellectual rigor.” I’m a cradle Episcopalian and I completed 3 of the 4 years of the Education For Ministry program. I was always taught that the Via Media is a broad road, wide enough to include many opinions and beliefs. For example, I think it is still church policy that a priest does not have to perform a gay marriage. Priests on both sides of the question have a place on the Via Media.
The enforcement of Canon Law has almost always been rather lax, with wide variations from diocese to diocese. Look how long the bishop in Southern California was allowed to exclude female priests from his diocese after the ordination of women became church policy. I know of homophobic priests who followed their bishop’s instructions regarding homosexuality but found a new church in a different diocese so they would be under a bishop who was opposed to ordination of gay folks.
I’m willing to bet there are sitting bishops who practice polyamory. I wish they would come out of the closet and start a real conversation within the church.
Omar’s church’s website would seem to contradict what he’s saying. “ These gifts do not depend on our worthiness. They are the Lord’s gifts for the Lord’s people”
And
“The Dignity of Every Person
We believe every person is made in the image of God. We seek to honor that dignity in our worship, our welcome, and our service. You do not have to have everything figured out to belong here. Bring your story. Bring your questions. There is room for you.”
Kerlin, this is beautiful and I felt the grief in it. I’ve come out the other side of doors I once called home too, and that particular ache of realizing a place you belonged has quietly (or not so quietly) decided you don’t, it doesn’t leave you fast.
Omar’s question was never really a question. “How do you reconcile” already assigns you the role of the one who diverged, the one who owes an accounting. It smuggles in the verdict and then asks you to argue against it. You answered with more grace than that framing earned.
The Episcopal Church has authority over its canons but It has never had authority over your relationships, your family, or your worth. It can decide who it ordains. It cannot decide whether your love is legitimate, and it never could.
I wish I had more time to talk with you last January at Q. But I was hyper-overwhelmed, haha. Thanks for getting me out of the room when I had my ASD attack. The way you treated me is how I would like to see any Clergy treat all of us! 🫶🏼
Hey there! I understand you have some questions about Omar. He was sent to seminary by a female (Anglo-Catholic btw - they exist) priest. His CPE supervisor was a gay (out) Anglo-Catholic priest who gave him an excellent evaluation. He was happy be to ordained alongside a gay, married man, and his best friends from seminary are a female priest and a married trans priest. Before seminary he helped establish a Spanish mission for people who weren’t welcome in other churches - including LGBTQ+ folk. Hope that’s helpful.
PS - there are way more socially liberal Anglo-Catholics than you might think.
PS - I came here because I heard there were questions about Omar - I usually am only on substack for Pete Buttigieg. So I read both this post and the one he commented on. Knowing him, I think he was just asking questions. Sounds as if that’s not how *you* heard his comments though. Sorry if his questions upset you. I doubt that was his intent.
Thanks for commenting. It sounds like you are a friend of Omar's, and I always love someone coming to the defence of a friend.
I don't think that Omar is a bad person, but also am I not imagining the judgemental tone of his "questions." I am not upset by his questions and I simply chose to answer them.
I do know lots of socially progressive Anglo Catholics for sure, but I was kicked out of the church by a socially liberal woman bishop and silenced by a committee with an out and partnered lesbian on it.
I believe that the church needs to do more than tokenising difference and ask the deeper gospel questions about its relationship to power, safety and cultural norms.
I don’t recall any words attributed to Jesus regarding anyone’s sexuality, to say nothing of judging it. I do recall hearing that Jesus did say words about not passing judgement, but I don’t remember any carve-outs for any particular jobs or any particular people. Sighhhhh.
If the church only wants you when you don't "break the rules," then everyone is not welcome, and there are exceptions.
Queer community, such as your family, has no pre-existing place in society. Therefore, we have to reshape our small societies to make space and place. Queer imagination is hard, but it is necessary if we are ever going to reimagine a community that doesn't play by the rules of the empire and Babylon (forgive my apocalyptic talk). If we are only saying people are welcome when they are respectable and don't "break the rules" then Xianity is only going to stay the state religion and never see the kingdom come.
I still stand with you. I've been lurking since you were on my podcast. I'm impressed at the grace you choose with this response. I pray the conversations come, but more than that, I pray people want the outcast even when they aren't playing by the rules. All should be welcome and wanted no matter what. Isn't that the table of Jesus?
A wonderful reflection as always, Kerlin. We can certainly grieve the loss of those institutions that used to give us life and joy, especially when they fail us and break our hearts.
So good, Kerlin! It does have "intellectual rigor" too. Good for you in not sending off the "ungracious" responses. My first response to not only that, but most political and religious controversies is "ungracious" too, so I usually don't post them.
It's been many years since I read "The Living Church", but we had it delivered to our parish some time ago, and a clergyman I knew said he had given up reading it "except for the obituaries" .It was good for that!
Great conversation. Thank you to everyone for their tones of sincerity and respect in this space. Kerlin, you f-ing rock. Yes, yes, yes!
The thing that I pray may someday change in the EC is the bizarre panic that comes over our over-empowered bishops whenever a perceived threat to 1950’s Daddy-Knows-Best sexuality appears. To confuse issues of personal sexuality with genuine threats to the gospel, such as the obscenities of war, poverty, corruption, and human trafficking, is to completely lose one’s way. To shut down conversations and punish with extreme measures anyone who represents a more honest way of being human is simply to forget our very explicit values of dignity respect and diversity. When bishops can quietly destroy a career, a sacred calling, and a congregation in order to defend a status quo cultural norm that continues to shift and evolve, simply declaring a violation with the sweepingly vague phrase “conduct unbecoming “ (which can mean anything at all and must be preemptively intuited because it is never defined) they use a cannon to swat a mosquito, and the damage is profound. No conversation, no debate, no chance for the congregation to maintain a pastoral and sacramental relationship… just a silencing and a sweeping under the rug…. It’s just wrong. The church can do better. Thank you Kerlin for refusing to be silenced. Rank hypocrisy in the realm of sexuality has been the shame of the Church forever, and continues, sadly, today.
Although I will say, a Daddy-Knows-Best sexuality, sounds like a totally viable kinky orientation if the church wanted to just own that
My first thought about Omar was, "Are these thoughts/feelings/words of yours Christlike?" I cannot imagine a Divine Spirit that would have such an approach.
And still, there is nothing outside of God....even Omar. We forgive you sir. You give us opportunity to acknowledge a deeper path. Peace be with you
yes!!
I can’t quite get there, but I admire those who can. The thing that honestly irks me is the hypocrisy. Quite frankly hypocrisy is what leads folks to leave their church. It led me to leave the Episcopal Church when I was 15. It took me 30+ years to return.
I am forever heartbroken over the way our church has treated you. As you say, the “Episcopal Church prided itself on wrestling with hard questions with genuine curiosity and intellectual rigor.” I’m a cradle Episcopalian and I completed 3 of the 4 years of the Education For Ministry program. I was always taught that the Via Media is a broad road, wide enough to include many opinions and beliefs. For example, I think it is still church policy that a priest does not have to perform a gay marriage. Priests on both sides of the question have a place on the Via Media.
The enforcement of Canon Law has almost always been rather lax, with wide variations from diocese to diocese. Look how long the bishop in Southern California was allowed to exclude female priests from his diocese after the ordination of women became church policy. I know of homophobic priests who followed their bishop’s instructions regarding homosexuality but found a new church in a different diocese so they would be under a bishop who was opposed to ordination of gay folks.
I’m willing to bet there are sitting bishops who practice polyamory. I wish they would come out of the closet and start a real conversation within the church.
Omar’s church’s website would seem to contradict what he’s saying. “ These gifts do not depend on our worthiness. They are the Lord’s gifts for the Lord’s people”
And
“The Dignity of Every Person
We believe every person is made in the image of God. We seek to honor that dignity in our worship, our welcome, and our service. You do not have to have everything figured out to belong here. Bring your story. Bring your questions. There is room for you.”
https://www.gracemuskogee.org/about
Indeed. I am curious about who exactly they are thinking about when extending welcome like this.
Kerlin, this is beautiful and I felt the grief in it. I’ve come out the other side of doors I once called home too, and that particular ache of realizing a place you belonged has quietly (or not so quietly) decided you don’t, it doesn’t leave you fast.
Omar’s question was never really a question. “How do you reconcile” already assigns you the role of the one who diverged, the one who owes an accounting. It smuggles in the verdict and then asks you to argue against it. You answered with more grace than that framing earned.
The Episcopal Church has authority over its canons but It has never had authority over your relationships, your family, or your worth. It can decide who it ordains. It cannot decide whether your love is legitimate, and it never could.
I wish I had more time to talk with you last January at Q. But I was hyper-overwhelmed, haha. Thanks for getting me out of the room when I had my ASD attack. The way you treated me is how I would like to see any Clergy treat all of us! 🫶🏼
Hey there! I understand you have some questions about Omar. He was sent to seminary by a female (Anglo-Catholic btw - they exist) priest. His CPE supervisor was a gay (out) Anglo-Catholic priest who gave him an excellent evaluation. He was happy be to ordained alongside a gay, married man, and his best friends from seminary are a female priest and a married trans priest. Before seminary he helped establish a Spanish mission for people who weren’t welcome in other churches - including LGBTQ+ folk. Hope that’s helpful.
PS - there are way more socially liberal Anglo-Catholics than you might think.
PS - I came here because I heard there were questions about Omar - I usually am only on substack for Pete Buttigieg. So I read both this post and the one he commented on. Knowing him, I think he was just asking questions. Sounds as if that’s not how *you* heard his comments though. Sorry if his questions upset you. I doubt that was his intent.
Hi Mary Ann,
Thanks for commenting. It sounds like you are a friend of Omar's, and I always love someone coming to the defence of a friend.
I don't think that Omar is a bad person, but also am I not imagining the judgemental tone of his "questions." I am not upset by his questions and I simply chose to answer them.
I do know lots of socially progressive Anglo Catholics for sure, but I was kicked out of the church by a socially liberal woman bishop and silenced by a committee with an out and partnered lesbian on it.
I believe that the church needs to do more than tokenising difference and ask the deeper gospel questions about its relationship to power, safety and cultural norms.
Thank you for this, Kerlin. So much.
I don’t recall any words attributed to Jesus regarding anyone’s sexuality, to say nothing of judging it. I do recall hearing that Jesus did say words about not passing judgement, but I don’t remember any carve-outs for any particular jobs or any particular people. Sighhhhh.
If the church only wants you when you don't "break the rules," then everyone is not welcome, and there are exceptions.
Queer community, such as your family, has no pre-existing place in society. Therefore, we have to reshape our small societies to make space and place. Queer imagination is hard, but it is necessary if we are ever going to reimagine a community that doesn't play by the rules of the empire and Babylon (forgive my apocalyptic talk). If we are only saying people are welcome when they are respectable and don't "break the rules" then Xianity is only going to stay the state religion and never see the kingdom come.
I still stand with you. I've been lurking since you were on my podcast. I'm impressed at the grace you choose with this response. I pray the conversations come, but more than that, I pray people want the outcast even when they aren't playing by the rules. All should be welcome and wanted no matter what. Isn't that the table of Jesus?
We should still grab that drink.
“What I hoped for was not exemption from those consequences but a genuine conversation about whether the rule itself reflected the Gospel.”
🔥, ❤️, ❤️🔥
Excellent response !!!
A wonderful reflection as always, Kerlin. We can certainly grieve the loss of those institutions that used to give us life and joy, especially when they fail us and break our hearts.
Grateful for this in ways i cant even describe in the moment.
So good, Kerlin! It does have "intellectual rigor" too. Good for you in not sending off the "ungracious" responses. My first response to not only that, but most political and religious controversies is "ungracious" too, so I usually don't post them.
It's been many years since I read "The Living Church", but we had it delivered to our parish some time ago, and a clergyman I knew said he had given up reading it "except for the obituaries" .It was good for that!
Thank you, Kerlin, for your words today.