I am recovering from a few weeks of being physically sick. It wasn’t covid, or strep throat, but a few weeks of migraines and a terribly sore throat have left me reflecting on health and how invisible and exhausting the work of healing can be.
Health is more than the absence of harm, more than the absence of illness. Health is thriving and delight. Whatever has hurt you dear ones, whatever you are healing from, please be kind and gentle with yourselves. The work of mending is real work.
We are a couple of weeks into the Sex Positive Pastoral Care Class, and it is really wonderful. This past Saturday we talked about sexual health and how non religious organizations frame the conversation of sexual health compared to how faith communities do.
According to the World Health Organization “Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.” (WHO, 2006a)
Sex Positivity is right there in the first sentence. A positive and respectful approach to sexuality would change so many of the conversations that are happening in faith communities. Being sex positive doesn’t require that you yourself have any more sex than you are currently having. In fact, respectful sex positivity makes room for the whole spectrum of desire. A sex positive approach welcomes the asexual experience along side the hypersexual, the sapiosexual, and the demi-sexual experiences.
I think that churches at their best really do want to create communities where people are safe. And it is true that sex can cause terrible harm when it is wielded as a weapon. A sex positive stance is clear that non-consensual, expositive, dishonest non-pleasurable activity is what we are all trying to avoid. However becoming hypervigilant and pro-shame about the sex lives of consenting adults actually creates a context where harm is more likely to thrive. In fact it is difficult to find a statement about sexual health and thriving in most religious contexts. We need so much healing dear ones.
If you would like to spend some more time in a space where people are talking about these things, I’ve been invited to be one of the facilitators for the Ethical Slut Book Study that will be starting October 19th online. If you don’t know it The Ethical Slut was one of the earliest books to talk about Ethical Non-Monogamy (The first edition was published in 1997) and it is well worth a read, regardless of your own sexual orientation and relationship structure.
Peace until next time,
—Kerlin